How can we find our way back to recognition of our shared humanity?
Right now, for the first time in our lives — and the lives of every person alive today — all humanity is facing a common crisis. Yes, we have each been affected differently, depending on where we live, if we have been infected ourselves and/or lost loved ones to the virus.
But all of us are experiencing something frightening together in this worldwide pandemic.
History shows us that during moments of large-scale crisis, people often form strong connections by leaning into the bonds of shared humanity.
I experienced this myself during the aftermath of the 9/11 attack in NYC. New Yorkers, in general, were kinder to each other. I remember clearly once, getting jostled on a crowded subway train and instead of feeling immediate irritation and frustration, I looked around at my fellow riders and thought, “Did he just lose someone in the attack?” “Is she grieving a loved one?”
It struck me subsequently— that I could have that same thought process every time I rode the subway - even without a terrorist attack on my city. The vast majority of us are walking around carrying grief and pain every single day. When someone shoves me to get to the last vacant seat on the train, I can choose to remember that they most likely have suffered devastating loss and pain in their lives and I can choose to look for my compassion.
So why haven’t we seen similar reactions of bonding and greater compassion in our country as a whole during this time that we did in NYC after 9/11?
I joked to a friend the other day that what the world needs now is an aggressive alien invasion —nothing brings folks together like a common enemy. My friend shook her head sadly and replied, “even that wouldn’t unite us now. Trump supporters would call it “Fake News” and everyone else would think it was another publicity stunt to showcase Trump’s ‘invincibility.’”
Who do we blame here? I believe that we can place a huge amount of the blame for this on the shoulders of our president. He encourages, emboldens and normalizes the most destructive parts of people — fear, anger and hatred. It feels easier and easily justified for us to turn against each other and amplify our differences rather than seek out our similarities.
But this one man does not have that much power — I will not give him all that power. It’s easy to shovel all the blame on this horrible man and on some amorphous group of “those people” [insert your particular group here]. For powerful change and progress to happen, however, we each have to question ourselves to see what responsibility we carry for this current fiasco. I believe part of the answer is that emotions of anger and “other blaming ” are satisfying and even addictive feelings. They definitely feel more pleasurable in the body then hopelessness, loneliness and anxiety.
Danielle Egnew (https://calltolight.org/) explains it really well:
Human beings are designed to thrive when helping others do something — anything. Living to solely fulfill ourselves will result in a feeling of loneliness and emptiness that many attempt to fill — often fill, with raging against another people online to forge some sort of “bond” with others, even through hating them.
For millions of people, rage and hatred are the only emotional connectors they have to others. It is a form of warped, conditional intimacy, a way that the hater won’t feel “alone” in the world…as long as they have someone to hate, and a group to cling to, who also hates the same people or ideals. Hate becomes the life ring someone is clinging to, while being tossed about in a dark, churning sea of unknowns — called life.
All of us are scared and angry.
“We” are scared and angry.
“They” are scared and angry.
No matter how you choose to define “us” and “them” the above statements hold true.
People react and express their anger and fear in vastly different ways but the underlying emotions are the same, nonetheless.
When fear and anger rule you, your fight is already lost. Anger is a useful tool to create positive change. You have to USE it rather than allow it to become the goal in itself. Sitting on your coach, filling yourself up with more and more anger can feel productive but it’s actually destructive.
Use the fiery power of anger to move you to take productive ACTION: to demand justice, clarify boundaries, learn more and speak up for those who’ve been silenced to create real positive change in the world.
Using anger to create a more just world will have the added benefit of helping you to come back to your true morals and values and clearing space for compassionate connection with other humans to again take seed in your heart.