4 ways to return to peace when taking deep breaths isn't working

You sit, staring at your phone in horror, having just finished reading a deeply triggering email. You feel anger and frustration building in your chest. Or you stand over a sink full of dirty dishes, feeling the overwhelm of monotony and self pity weighing down your shoulders. 

You take a few deep breaths, but feel no change in your body or emotions. This only adds to an internal build up of discomfort, though. 

I feel you. I have been there myself so many times. Fortunately, I have found ways to come home to my peaceful center that work when taking deep breaths fails. The following 4 exercises will move you out of discomfort; back to calm, joy and ease.


  1. Purposeful Tantrums

  2. Furious Dancing

  3. Nature Grounding

  4. Self Snuggling

 Purposeful Tantrums

 Purposeful Tantrums are a sure fire way to move anger, frustration, fear and “life is so unfair!” feelings out of the body. Babies and children do this naturally until blocked by adults. Animals do this as well; shaking their entire body after a stressful, frightening experience.

The basic idea is simple: you allow yourself to yell and scream, kick the floor, pound pillows, shake your head and body in a safe way. Check out this short video for a demonstration and fuller explanation. 

Tantrum Demo & Explanation Video


Furious Dancing

Furious Dancing is another technique that works particularly well for feelings of frustration, worry, overwhelm, lack of motivation and “the blahs.” Pick out a few songs in preparation. I recommend one or two songs that fired you up as a teenager — perhaps “head bangers.” 

After the head banger try a song that makes you feel expansive and empowered. (A few faves of mine are Brave, Sarah Bareilles, Live Like a Warrior, Matisyahu and A Sky full of Stars, Coldplay.)

This is my personal favorite.

Turn them up loud, close your eyes and let the emotions move your body in whatever fierce, ferocious ways feel good.

Nature Grounding

Nature Grounding is a beautiful way to support yourself when feeling overwhelmed, sad, lonely, exhausted. The method is quite simple — just find a bit of nature and plop yourself down in it. Work this out however you can — if you are able to go outside and sit on the earth - do that. 

If you are near trees — go lean against them. 


If neither of these are possible — use water — get in a bath or sit in the shower. Once there, close your eyes and visualize a connection between you and Mother Earth. Consciously release feelings, sensations that you do not want to hold in your body and visualize that this energy is transformed into beautiful flowers, little seeds growing in the dirt, or strong old-growth trees. *Remember — energy cannot be created or destroyed — and Mother Earth is a master energy transformer.* 

Once you feel complete with releasing, begin to call in the energy you want to fill yourself with and visualize receiving it from Mother Earth. Really focus on this — you can feel it coming in through your feet if you are standing — coming up through your legs and spreading all the way through your body and head. If you are sitting — imagine it coming up through your spine and circulating through all your nerves. Picking a color for the energy can help if it feels challenging to visualize it.


Self Snuggling

Self Snuggling is the best practice when fear and anxiety threaten to overwhelm your nervous system. Imagine how you would comfort a young frightened child whom you love very much. 

You are comforting the young, frightened child inside of you. 

Get into bed, pull the covers over your head and softly and gently touch yourself — you can stroke your hair, your arms, your face and hug yourself. You can also speak out loud soothing words that feel calming such as “You are safe. Everything is okay. You are loved.”




Adding these 4 practices to your Self Care Tool Box will support you enormously; allowing you to more easily surf the ups and down waves of emotions and life. 


For more wisdom and practical, powerful self-care tools, pick up Margot Schulman’s powerful book Choose Love: A Simple Path to Healthy, Joyful Relationships.


Margot Schulman