Everything I need to know about self care I learned by running a soup kitchen

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

(Part 1)

When I was responsible for feeding an average of 500 people per day through a free meal program the biggest part of my job turned out to be managing all the volunteers.

I learned very quickly that this is ridiculously difficult.

On a given day I could have a mix of almost-deaf conservative white Rotary Club members, “way cooler than you” local black teenage basketball stars, fired up white born again Christians and burly black dudes in leather jackets from a local motorcycle crew.

I am seriously not exaggerating.

People came in with the widest range of physical, mental and emotional abilities to be productive and helpful. I had to figure out how and where to place them in the team so that they each felt good about what they were doing and so that the job actually got done and people got fed.

In a restaurant management you fire people who are unqualified to accomplish the tasks that you need them to do. Not at the soup kitchen!

But as annoying as many of the volunteers were, I did come to believe that 99% of them had their hearts in the right place: they really did want to help other people.

Photo by Mike Erskine on Unsplash

So this is where one big self love “A-HA” came in. I realized that my inner world is a lot like a motley crew of volunteers in the soup kitchen. Everyone who shows up inside me — the angry teenager, the grumpy old lady, the tough badass, the spiritual type — they all have to work together towards a common goal — keeping me alive, healthy and happy!

Most of us attempt to get through the day with war waging inside us between our different parts. Each part has its own desires, needs, fears, opinions; things that feel pleasurable and make it feel safe, loved and accepted and things that cause pain and make it feel scared, angry, hurt or rejected.

In order for us to get through our lives as peacefully, happily, successfully and joyfully as possible we have to accept all the parts of ourselves and make sure they are each doing the job most appropriate for them. (For instance, the angry teenager part should not run the show when I get pulled over by a cop for speeding!)

You do not have to love all your parts, just like I did not love all the volunteers who came through the soup kitchen, you can simply work on accepting their right to be there and try to manage them thoughtfully and kindly.

This analogy extends further too: just like running a soup kitchen, running your inner team will have many difficult, painful moments. You must allow yourself to notice and deeply appreciate the joyful moments, the successes and the love.

Photo by Victor Freitas on Unsplash

Doing the work of accepting all of yourself and finding the fun and joy during the process is challenging though.

I have been through it myself and it is honestly hard to express through words how much happier I am now and how much easier life is every single day.

You deserve happiness and ease too, my dear.

Get in touch to hear how I can help you get it. margot@chooseloverevolution.com