When Self-Love Means Letting your Loved Ones Suffer
I was asked over the weekend to look for a pattern of lessons that I’ve had to learn throughout my life. The first pattern that surfaced was of watching loved ones suffering, thinking that I have knowledge, wisdom or tools that could alleviate their suffering and then finding out that I can’t help - either because they don’t want my help or because they need something different from what I can offer.
Oh Lordy - how I hate these situations!!
I hate everything about it - I hate watching loved ones suffering, of course. I hate being wrong (yes, I admit it) and I hate feeling powerless during difficult situations. These may be some of the most triggering experiences in my life.
Have you experienced this in your own life - with your parents, dear friends or children?
Doesn’t it just suck so completely??!
Have you figured out ways to get through it that you would care to share with me?
I would love to gain more wisdom about this.
Looking through the lens of “a pattern of lessons in my life” can sometimes help me shift perspective. It allows me to take a step back and remember that every human is walking their own path - learning the lessons that they need to. Given that truth, I know that I can’t fully understand, much less control how they learn those lessons.
I remind myself that I can always offer help, support, guidance and love. But I cannot make the other person take what I offer.
I also remind myself that I do not help anyone by fixating on changing someone else’s mind, path or choices. It is only a way to avoid my own path.
And truthfully - figuring out my path is quite enough of a challenge!
So if this is a “pattern of lessons” in your life as well - if the notion of letting loved ones walk their own stumbling, painful path makes you gasp in fear and horror - then I would bet a million dollars that this is a potentially transformative area of growth for you as well.
Try saying these mantras right now or whenever you next find yourself in this difficult pattern:
I do not take their choices personally.
I do not take their choices personally.
I do not take their choices personally.
I walk my path, not theirs.
I walk my path, not theirs.
I walk my path, not theirs.
I am sovereign over myself only.
I am sovereign over myself only.
I am sovereign over myself only.
I choose love and release the illusion of control
I choose love and release the illusion of control
I choose love and release the illusion of control
Remember your sovereignty.
Remember that you are here to learn.
And always, ALWAYS look for joy and pleasure.
In honor of that - I am delighted to introduce the newest and the most ridiculously cute member of my house - Layla, Queen of Cuteness -
May she bring you smiles and delight today.
Big Love,
Margot
P.S Check out this amazing deal for a local weekend retreat. ($275 for the entire weekend!) It is filled with beautiful opportunities for growth and I will be leading a workshop that Saturday morning on Choosing Love No Matter What!