Experiencing Joy & Pleasure in Outrageous Asking (even when I don’t get what I want)

I participated in a free 5-day challenge a few weeks ago with the ever-amazing Alex Franzen. The concept was simple — “Give, Ask, Receive” every day for 5 days in a row. The first step was to give or perform a small act of generosity with no expectation for a return. One day I put $1 in every tip jar on Main Street. Another day I wrote a long note to a friend about specific ways she has inspired me over the years. Another day I let my son eat the last cookie in the house!

The second step was to ask for something that felt uncomfortable asking for. This is where it became challenging. Even now remembering it, I feel tightness and anxiety in my chest and belly. Asking for what I want is not in my comfort zone, to say the least and I know I’m not alone in this discomfort.

Some days I chose work-related asks— I asked a former client if she wanted to work with me again; I sent an email to a local wellness center and asked if they would hire me to lead a workshop.

Other days the asks were more personal. The scariest of all was the day I asked a man I had connected to in a dating app for EXACTLY what I wanted from him if we were to become intimate.

And guess what?? Do you think I got everything I asked for?

NOPE!

Not one thing!!

I did however receive totally amazing and unexpected gifts. Seemingly out of the blue, other wonderful humans reached out to connect in both personal and professional ways.

The best present of all though was feeling deliciously empowered from the challenge. I didn’t feel discouraged in the least by not getting what I asked for.

Surprising, right?

Turns out that the process of asking itself is an incredible gift. It taught my nervous system that I am safe when I ask for things.

I am safe when I don’t get what I want.

I am safe when I “fail” to achieve my goal, whatever that goal is.

This reinforces a truth I’ve been learning on deeper and deeper levels over the past year or so —

Doing scary shit is the fastest, surest path to deeper self-trust, acceptance, and love. Because if you want something different for your life, you have to do something different. The bigger the change you want? The farther you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Divine Boldness Baby!

But start with baby steps. You build up your boldness by gently and lovingly holding yourself through small acts of courage. One step at a time is perfect and I am here cheerleading you all the way!!